~ Madonna ~

Rumors are stirring of Madonna and husband, Guy Ritchie, possibly getting a divorce. It all started when Guy started noticing that Madonna was spending more time with her BlackBerry than him. She was constantly on it, sleeping with it, carrying multiples around — if only he got that kind of attention! She’s now completely focused on her upcoming tour and doesn’t have time to play games or be romantic with Guy. A BlackBerry is really all you need, Madonna.

This gentlemen is Madonna’s brother, Christopher Ciccone . Can you see the resemblance between the two? One has man-boobs while the other one has yoga arms that are more ripped than Britney’s jeans after her fourth frappuccino of the day. They were once good friends as happy siblings usually are. But over the years, they’ve had a falling out. Apparently, Christopher is has written a tell-all book called, Life With My Sister and Madonna is not happy. She’s working up a BlackBerry rage as she tries to stop all production of his book as it may lead to some dirty secrets — perhaps she’s had a kissy-kissy relationship with her brother, just like Angelina Jolie?

Madonna has admitted to sleeping with her BlackBerry. But now, we have an actual photo of her sleeping with her BlackBerry!

…alright, so this photo may not be a real photo of Madonna sleeping, but she sure looks like it — and she probably looks like that when she sleeps in her Dracula coffin bed anyways: hands and BlackBerry out in front to protect herself from getting staked.

Flower child, Madonna, sits in the back seat of her car dressed in rainbows and flowers — very hip and very much “Like A Virgin” — lame joke, we know.

With a shirt that says, “MOVE BITCH“, I think we’re safe to say that “4 Minutes” is too long for Madonna to wait.